What happened to the good old fashion days when people just stopped by to talk? There was a pie ready in the fridge for unexpected visitors and everyone sat down and talked and laughed. Family played games together when they were bored. And kids and grandkids always wanted to be at the house.
Now a days we have kids running around getting into all kinds of mischief. They want to be anywhere but home. Some husbands are reluctant to come home after work, they would rather stop at the bar first or go over to a friend’s house. Or when they do come home, they just want to check out. Then there’s the frustrated stay at home mom that would rather get out and go to the store and walk around than stay home with her kids. Which always leads to spending unnecessary money. People feel like they need to get out and “do something” to be entertained.
What a contrast…. What has happened?
We need to cultivate a certain atmosphere of “home” that draws our family and makes it a safe and fun place for them to be.
Cleanliness and organization
I know I’m not content in my home when it’s not clean. Especially when I open closets and they look like a rat’s nest. Taking one day with some time cut out for organizing a specific area of your home. Or cutting out time in your schedule each day to do a little bit of specific cleaning and organizing in your home can help you chip away at the mountain of work, bit by bit, in baby steps. Often times a task can seem so huge and daunting that we just put it off. But when we take baby steps that are doable and see the progress we are making, it encourages us to press on.
Write a list of where you want to start and all of the things you want to get done in cleaning and organizing and then write out the steps for each day that you plan to do the task (once a week or a little bit daily).
Make a schedule
Reducing it down to what you actually need to get done can free you up and leave extra room for things you want to do. My whole family THRIVES on a schedule. When we don’t follow our schedule, there is chaos. And this is coming from a natural free spirit. I always like to fly by the seat of my pants and have fun, but having a schedule and organization and some discipline in this area actually helps me to be spontaneous more effectively. I always know how to pick up where I left off after a spontaneous adventure and I have my time organized so I can block out specific times for fun.
Make your home fun!
Not with video games and more TV. Doing some of these things may be a very intentional task for you but well worth getting into the habit of. And implementing fun should be, well, fun. Be goofy. Play games. Try good old fashion forms of fun. I wrote a post with a list of ways to have good old fashion cheap fun with your family here. Mealtime Moments by Focus on the Family is a good place to look for fun family interaction. (pictures of these books and links to them on Amazon? I also like to do fun little things sometimes like letting the kids have a snack on an old TV dinner tray in the living room on the floor. I make fun, cute looking snacks. Most of all, we do fun stuff together all the time.
For children…
Create a place of consistency and trust. A place where they are loved and nourished. Tell them you love them, don’t just assume they know. Learn their love language and show them love in that way. Don’t immerse children in things that are not appropriate for their age. Conversations, TV, books and magazines etc. (including being careful if they are in earshot of a conversation you are having with another adult. Working on having a great marriage will help on so many levels. Children will be more secure and the home will feel more safe. Also, make sure you keep in communication with them about everything that is going on in their life.
Marriage
Having a thriving marriage is one of the biggest keys to a thriving and welcoming home. We make it a point to go to all of the marriage conferences and classes that are offered at our church and local events. We have an awesome marriage, but prevention is better than a cure. There are ministries out there that are very helpful for marriages that are already very broken. Family Life (Family life has a great nation wide conference at least once a year for this!) and Focus on the Family are great ministries. The mingling of souls by Matt and Lauren Chandler is AWESOME. The book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas actually changed my life when I read it at the beginning of my marriage. Heeding the wisdom in this book has bore much fruit. I have not read The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller, but I have heard really great things about it from people I really really trust who have awesome marriages. I plan on reading it at some point.
Make it cozy and inviting
I’m not talking about trying to impress others by making your home look super impressive. I’m talking about cheap ways to make it a more pleasant “homey” type of atmosphere. Trust me, my home is not fancy and it is not big. But I strive to make it a clean, welcome and comforting place for my guests where they feel welcome. Especially the art students that come over who are a long way from home. Take some of that colored depression glass out of the china cabinet and display it in your kitchen window for a splash of color. Use your grandma’s flower vase and pick some wildflowers. Grow a garden specifically for flowers for your dinner table. Use a nice clean tablecloth. Have tea, lemonade or infused water ready and chilled in your refrigerator for guests and family members. Make sure your throw blankets are clean and smell nice so if someone gets chilly they feel free to use one. Make sure the sheets on all the beds are clean and smell nice. Train your children to clean up their messes and make their own beds to help in making the home a cozy, inviting atmosphere. I have a few antique clocks in my house because I love the sound of them chiming and their tick tock when it’s quiet. To me this makes my house more cozy. Someone else may not care for that, but this is something that makes it more comforting for me when I’m home and hopefully for my family. If you are in need up an update, buy or do some DIY art projects to refresh the place. There are SO MANY things you can do. Brainstorm ideas if you need to. But try to keep it simple and cheap, utilizing what you already have, if you can.
Keep it simple
I was just talking with my Dad about this the other day. The simple things are usually what you remember. My dad was talking about how he used to make a special drink with his Grandma where they would have grape juice and add all kinds of different fruits. It would change every time. They would add citrus fruits or whatever, but it was a special drink. They actually called it “poop”. Don’t ask me why, I have no idea. The simple little traditions you have will stand out to your kids. Make some simple little traditions. Don’t worry about buying over the top toys and contraptions. Look for joy in the simple pleasures of life.
Acts of intentionality
I was inspired when my friend was talking about how when she would go home and stay at her mom’s house, her mom would often leave a fresh baked cookie on the pillow of her old bed. I try to do special little things for my family like this like spraying their pillow with a special lightly scented sleep spray before bed. Sometimes we all hide behind the wall and when Cody comes home we jump out and yell surprise and give him a big hug. It’s a silly thing that my son started when he was younger that was really cute. We always let daddy know that we are excited that he is home and that we love him and value his time. We also make sure that the kids see us together hugging or getting a quick welcome home kiss. I try to tell my kids often how much I appreciate their help with things and their obedience. Even if they are doing normal things that they are expected to do.
Food
A good practical way to create a place that your family will want to be is having good, fresh food. Be known for having good food in a jiffy for guests and family members. It doesn’t have to be complex. My Grandma always has cheese, crackers, pickles, olives, cream cheese and peeper jelly and simple things like that to throw together a snack tray for anyone stopping by. While they snack she sometimes prepares a quick meal of something like tuna salad sandwiches with fruit and chips if it’s lunch time and they will be sticking around. She plans for unexpected guests.
Make it a point to have regular sit down meals at the same time every day that your family can depend on and make it a point to do this regularly. Have simple, prepped snacks ready. I have noticed this is something that was commonly practiced by women in earlier generations. Whether it be cookies ready for any person that drops by (which can be very cheap, especially if made from scratch. Or a pie, crackers and cheese, prepped veggies with an amazing dip, or prepped fruit with dip. There are lots of different things you could prepare and whip up quickly for hungry guests or have ready when your husband comes in from yard work or hungry kids come home from school.
When it comes to cultivating a welcoming home make it known that you are serious about spending quality and quantity time together and that you will make time for your family because they are important to you. Make your home a place you can enjoy. Enjoy and embellish the blessings you already have!
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